Sunday, August 3, 2008

Honey Bun!

There has been much to do about honey in my world recently. Lots of honey eating happening and I've come to the realization that I don't like honey for several reasons.

The linger factor - you can eat honey let's say on your English muffin as a delectable breakfast side then as your day proceeds you eat two more times - no honey involved but strangely your cheeseburger tastes sweeter than usual, brush your teeth - minty honey freshness, settle in for bedtime and still have the distinct numbness in your tongue from the sugar coma you induced 12 hours ago.

The goop factor - it seems to me that anything desirable that I want to eat that includes honey requires me to touch said product as it is smothered all over my desirable snack. Perfect example Indian fry bread. Somewhere between tearing myself off a section and getting it into to my face a gooping happens melding my skin to snack that reminds me of something right out of X-Men and listen folks if I'm going to become a mutant the last thing I want to be is Honey Girl! Seriously what kind of powers would Honey Girl have? She's so sweet she can talk anyone into following rules?? Let's talk this through for a minute....

Bad guy Pesticide Boy who we know would by Honey Girl's arch enemy is robbing a bank, because really that's where all bad guys start (see the Dark Knight) and yeah! Here comes Honey Girl to the rescue.

Pesticide Boy (French accent): Oui! I have robbed de' bank of de' America! Hoo Ha Ha Ha Ho! *Sigh* Now I can kill all de' flowers in de' vorld!

Honey Girl: Pesticide Boy, you sure are looking great, it's been a long time since we last saw each other how is your mother?

Pesticide Boy (French accent): She good, she love de' basket of assorted taffies you sent her. No, No! We are not friends, I am not nice, and my name is Pesticide not Pansy! Dites au revoir à vos fleurs précieuses.

Honey Girl: Well since you seem so determined let me help you. This sure is a lot of money to carry. Maybe people won’t miss flowers if they can fold money to look like flowers.

Pesticide Boy (sissy, I mean French accent): Curse you Honey Girl. *sniff* You are so kind. How can I rid de’ world of de’ flowers? Do you have any of de’ delicious taffies for me?

Honey Girl: Of course, friend.

Lame! No ninja skills needed worst mutant ever.

Lastly, I'm turned off by the bees have you ever watched those things move and flap and crawl? Creepy little buggers. Don’t like them, don’t like this byproduct. Pollinate away little bees, but as for me keep your honey to yourself you goopy, lingering, busy do-gooders!


Anonymous said...

Are you French? That is so screwed up that only a frenchman could come up with it.