Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Cleansing breathe….wooo-saaah! Welcome to edition 92 of Ellen-Makes-A-Fool-Of-Herself-Day!

Adventure One Part One!! Strutting across campus with a co-worker to get lunch and the groundskeepers are testing the sprinkler system. I am so enthralled in the story shes telling that I dont dodge that massive wave of water that is coming right at us! She expertly does, honestly like a well trained water dodging ballerina. I didnt get too wet really, but yes I walked head strong into a sprinkler in my work clothes. The groundskeeper openly laughed at me!! So in efforts to make myself look cool I act like it was all part of my plan and very cool-like I say, “One of these days Im just going to run right down the middle of all of these.” To which there was no response, a shoulder shrug, and a wide-eyed blank stare, leaving me wondering if our dear little groundskeeper understood a lick of my sarcastic English.

Adventure Two!! Background: Friend and I had just made a pact about the cafeteria just prior to sprinkler incident. See there is a new café group and as part of their ordering process you have to give them your name, they make your food, then you go to the cash register, give your name again and thats how they know what you ordered very new agey high tech melarachy. So in a secret pact, Friend and I had decided to give a different name every day. So I order my sandwich, café man asks for my name and I say “Ruby.” Suddenly there is a burst of giggles behind me.

“RUBY??!??” says my past co-worker from another department. “Your name is not Ruby.” (P.S. This outburst of hers totally nulled any possibility she had of joining any future potential undercover society that I may chair.)

“Oh, thats how its gonna be,” laughs the café man leaning over to read my name badge, “Okay Ellen, one sandwich it is.” I blushed, laughed and just said I wanted to see how long I could have gotten away with using a different name each day. Not really exposing my fear that somehow theyll be tracking how often I eat there, what I eat, what meals I prefer, how many calories I intake, and how many pounds that means Ill gain!! I just simply left it at, I just wanted to play with you crazy café folks. The three sandwich café boys and I are having a good laugh and I think as I walk away with my lunch, well hopefully theyll forget.

But apparently theyre magically computer tracks jokes too because in the 2 minutes it took to get my sandwich made the entire 10 man cafeteria team learned the story and everyone called me a different girls name as I left with my lunch. I was kindly wished out of the cafeteria with….

“See you later Penelope!”

“Debbie, would you like a receipt?”

“Enjoy your sandwich, Kate!”

“Have a good day, Amber!”

To which I finally waved and curtseyed as I fled the scene of my exposed crime!

Adventure One Part Two!! In a mad dash to get safely back to the security of my boring desk I took the side exit, the path people dont walk on thinking, “how can I embarrass myself if no one is there?” But groundskeeper man was waiting! As I walked towards my building he waved across the lawn to get my attention and then he signaled for me to sprint through the sprinklers as I had just moments ago threatened to do someday. He had understood!! And in some dizzying haze of misjudgment and “oh what the heck!” I sprinted out maybe ten yards until he started laughing and then ran back, only to notice about 4 people looking at me like I was a crazy loon!

I probably should have walked over and introduced myself as a new employee, “Ruby McDay.”