Thursday, October 30, 2008

Scary Stories

Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...
Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.

Scared the living day lights out of me as a child! I'll be the first to admit, I'm easy to scare. It doesn't help that I'm fun to scare as well. I was born with a severe fear twitch reaction. Scare me when I am sitting down and my body uncontrollably does the armadillo curl. But scare me when I'm standing up, beware the full body twitch landing in the ninja stance. Because apparently my reaction to attack is to KARATE CHOP! If I'm ever attacked I plan on defending myself with Deadly Karate Chop! Ye Be Warned….

I'm susceptible to all kinds of scares. Books - "Even Scarier Stories 2" I'm still haunted by the Old Lady putting together the puzzle story. And I recently learned Sister was making up stories all out of her own imagination. No one can even commiserate with me about the horror that is "Shh-POMP!" I still shutter when I hear the noise….

Movies get me too. I have a standing list of movies I just refuse to see and I will not see a scary movie in the theater. People laugh when you armadillo in movie seats. You should have seen me watching "I Am Legend." I was a total wreck.

But what is the worse? Real people scares.

Older Brother loves to scare people, is for fun. We had a basement in our house that Sister, Older Brother and I all had our bedrooms in. After 9:30 pm all bets were off concerning safe navigation through the basement. You knew he was going to be out in force. You always had two things against you: the basement was practically built for it, lots of blind corners and multiple stairways and the man has infinite patience.Ten years later and two specific scares still stick out to me.

We had a fridge in our basement that Mom kept drinks in. I got up one night and snuck off to go get a late night drink, leaving the lights off to complete the sneakiness of the behavior. I successfully navigated to our additional fridge and just as I opened the door….WHAMMO! He was curled up in a ball on top of the fridge and as I reached for my drink he reached down and grabbed my arm. REALLY? Who does that!!

On a dark cold night, I was leaving the bathroom we shared to go back to my room and all the lights were out so being very wise I peaked around all the corners heading back to my room. All was clear, he must be asleep. I shut off the bathroom light and as a precaution I still ran for it. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! I went into karate chop mode. I think he bruised. Probably the worst scare of my life…. Where did he come from the coast was clear!! I had checked around the corners at eye level, I didn't expect him to be lying flat on the floor.

As such, I'll be passing on any haunted house outings this season. "I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it."

Monday, October 20, 2008


My brain periodically gets set on perpetual shuffle. Random thought rush past me like crazy. Most of the time though, I'm like a broken CD player, random songs just spit out of me with no warning. About 60% of things that are said to me make me think of a song and I'd like to just have a Rodgers & Hammerstein moment right there! However, I usually keep it on the inside because wow, I would look crazy. I guess I could embrace that urge and get a job that allows me to have random singing moments and still blend in. Maybe a music teacher or a DMV employee. It's an option, I'm keeping my doors open.

I would guess that the majority of people know the songs I reference. But this morning I got the privilege of jamming to this beauty:

"Awesome possum watch him go,
How he does it I don't know,
He can climb right up a tree-E-E!
Defies the laws of gravity."

I have really cool relatives that live in Australia. They came to visit when I was about 8 and brought with them Don Spencer's Australia & Animals CD. Possum was one of the tracks. Imagine the Google search I did to find the artist and cd name. You find strange things when you Google Awesome Possum, like this shirt....

The internet really is a pit of weirdness.
Back to Don Spencer, the CD had 17 songs, I only remember 4. "Kookaburra", "Tasmanian Devil", "Possum" and my favorite "It's a Marsupial!" I learned today that Don Spencer is a combination of Peter, Paul & Mary meets Mr. Rogers for Australian children. He has done a lot of great work setting up a music foundation in Australia. Not to mention his daughter married Russell Crow. I must say, my hat is off to you Don Spencer. You write really catchy jingles.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Captain Quirk

Conquering Quirks... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Auntie Ellen Enterprise. Its mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Amy tagged me today. Here are the rules, here are my quirks.


Link the person who tagged you (check)
Mention the rules on your blog (check)
Tell about six quirks of yours (check)
Tag six fellow bloggers to do the same (check)
Leave a comment to let them know (check)

Quirk One: Even if you are a stranger who appears to have leprosy I will tuck your t-shirt label in for you if it is sticking out the back of your shirt. I used to think I was being nice, but the older I get the more I think it is because I know I will think about you for days!! Seriously can't you feel it tickling your neck? Great googly moogly! I get itchy just thinking about it.

Quirk B: When someone is typing or talking and changes their counting mechanism as I just did. From numbers to letters. Straighten up and fly right.

Quirk Tres: I must be the last person to use the restroom before bedtime in the house. I will hold it and wait until I am sure final flushes have happened and then get up and go.

Quirk Four: I'll say it first, this one is just crazy. I have to roll my excess seatbelt material up into a cylinder that I tuck under the bottom part of the latch on my airplane seatbelt. It assures me safety in each flight. And check out my aliveness, I'm telling you people, this works like a charm.

Quirk Five: I read magazines from the back. That is where all the good stuff is anyhow.

Quirk Six: I must seperate M&M in this fashion in order to eat them. By color first. Then I must eat them until all colors have an equal number. Then I eat by color, I eat all the greens, then the reds etc. However I leave one of each color so that my last bite can be one mouthful that includes all colors.

I tag:

Lead Farmer

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Close All Borders!

Sometimes this closing the border business sounds pretty serious. I vote we don't mess around, let's get American about it. All or nothing baby, let's close all borders! Keep out the Canadians too! Bwah ha ha ha! (that's the evil laugh)

Why? Because, they are the Decepticons of the border jumpers. They match. They swoop in take jobs from Americans and good jobs too. Acting jobs, rock star jobs, get out you stinking Northerners! And really the Mountie?.... Not to mention, Canadians are evil. Bet you didn't know. It's hard to tell because they are so pale, some of them - honestly - transparent even. Pale but evil, proof is in the pudding. Look, what evil masterminds Canadians are. They built tiny spy mechanisms into their coins. Seriously in their coins? That is Dr. Evil type stuff….Dr. Evil he was totally Canadian!!

Other Canadians hiding amongst us:

Celine Dion: Well tuned trumpet that someone is playing to make albums and apparently the rest of the world is a lot more forgiving of the twitchy than I am. She is like the Megatron of the Canadians in our country.

Pamela Anderson: Enough said.

Anna Paquin: is it just me or does she always appear to be on the edge of melting?

Keanu Reeves: Boring.

Avril Lavigne: I know people who love her music, I still take offense.

See they only take the good jobs!!

Wait…I can hear my sister now. Yes, we could learn from Canada. It has limited redeeming factors. I'd love free health insurance. I'd also love to have the good view of Niagara Falls. But they are in cahoots with the French and that is unacceptable.