Thursday, October 30, 2008

Scary Stories

Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...
Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.

Scared the living day lights out of me as a child! I'll be the first to admit, I'm easy to scare. It doesn't help that I'm fun to scare as well. I was born with a severe fear twitch reaction. Scare me when I am sitting down and my body uncontrollably does the armadillo curl. But scare me when I'm standing up, beware the full body twitch landing in the ninja stance. Because apparently my reaction to attack is to KARATE CHOP! If I'm ever attacked I plan on defending myself with Deadly Karate Chop! Ye Be Warned….

I'm susceptible to all kinds of scares. Books - "Even Scarier Stories 2" I'm still haunted by the Old Lady putting together the puzzle story. And I recently learned Sister was making up stories all out of her own imagination. No one can even commiserate with me about the horror that is "Shh-POMP!" I still shutter when I hear the noise….

Movies get me too. I have a standing list of movies I just refuse to see and I will not see a scary movie in the theater. People laugh when you armadillo in movie seats. You should have seen me watching "I Am Legend." I was a total wreck.

But what is the worse? Real people scares.

Older Brother loves to scare people, is for fun. We had a basement in our house that Sister, Older Brother and I all had our bedrooms in. After 9:30 pm all bets were off concerning safe navigation through the basement. You knew he was going to be out in force. You always had two things against you: the basement was practically built for it, lots of blind corners and multiple stairways and the man has infinite patience.Ten years later and two specific scares still stick out to me.

We had a fridge in our basement that Mom kept drinks in. I got up one night and snuck off to go get a late night drink, leaving the lights off to complete the sneakiness of the behavior. I successfully navigated to our additional fridge and just as I opened the door….WHAMMO! He was curled up in a ball on top of the fridge and as I reached for my drink he reached down and grabbed my arm. REALLY? Who does that!!

On a dark cold night, I was leaving the bathroom we shared to go back to my room and all the lights were out so being very wise I peaked around all the corners heading back to my room. All was clear, he must be asleep. I shut off the bathroom light and as a precaution I still ran for it. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! I went into karate chop mode. I think he bruised. Probably the worst scare of my life…. Where did he come from the coast was clear!! I had checked around the corners at eye level, I didn't expect him to be lying flat on the floor.

As such, I'll be passing on any haunted house outings this season. "I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it."


The Wixom Zoo said...

What do you mean, you don't watch scary movies??? You're the one who took me to see The Village and then rented The Ring just to watch me freak out!!! It's like the pushing on someone's bruise-thing. Sure you're scared - uh huh, I'll believe that one when I see it! Have a great Halloween!

Wixom Wonders said...

LOL! I MISS YOU SO MUCH. Oh, yeah. Your last two blogs made me REALLY miss you, and then this one made me laugh so hard! Eric is looking at grad schools, perhaps Phoenix area wouldn't be so bad...

Beth Haws said...

Oh My Gosh I so understand that is awesome!!! I was laughing so hard I can picture it all! We totally miss you guys, Caleb really needs to get into school there.

Staci Kramer said...

Ellen, you need to do two things for me: #1: come visit us. #2: Write your memoirs. You are such an entertaining writer! I love hearing your adventures.

Shannon said...

Older brother must be losing his touch these days...but what about the Sixth Sense move you pulled on Papa Shirts? That was a classic.

P.S. I finally answered your tag!

Lead Farmer said...

I actually have all three of these books. Scary Stories, More Scary Stories, and Scary Stories 3. The worst part about it... I bought them recently. I used to lay awake at night as a kid with the fear of god in me over the monster in the mirror story. I still can't look in the mirror in the dark. So I bought the books to confront my demons. Still scary at 28.

Auntie Ellen said...

Farmer, we should just get together and have a read-a-thon. Work it out. Those could be good times.