Saturday, March 5, 2011

Dream Job 1: Professional Clapper

I have a short list of random dream jobs. Some I know exist and some I'd just like to believe exist. At the top of this list, right under the Mama job, is Professional Clapper. What you might ask is a professional clapper? On a road trip maybe ten years ago my brother the older and I were entertaining ourselves by sharpening up our clapping skills while clapping along to some sweet tunes. Then the though occurred, in some recording studio somewhere a human (or machine, but in my dream a human) was paid to perform studio quality claps! I could own that job!! These hands were made for clapping, and that's just what they'll do! One of these days these hands are going to clap on your album for you!

Wait, now before you roll your eyes, think about the total sweetness of a job like this. You get to meet rock stars. It would probably go like this, "Hi Mr. Grohl, what's that? Why yes, I have been practicing staccato claps. Thank you for noticing! I'd love to be the hand percussion on your next album, have your people call my people. Ciao." You'd have full access to music prior to release date. In a tight pinch you could become "The Clapper" hands. And you'd always have work as long as country stars write drinking anthems, which is pretty much always.

Music execs consider this my professional offer to put these hands to work. Have your people call my people.