Elphaba says, "No good deed goes unpunished!!"

I had this fun idea at work this week. We are getting a new cafeteria/catering group in and they removed the coffee machines early. This is a serious tragedy. Honestly I spied several people wondering the halls with empty coffee mugs looking lost and forlorn. Productivity took a dramatic drop. And so I hatched my plan. I get a little giddy when I get to be fun and spontaneous. My homies and I put out some coffee, sodas and water with a little sign thanking people, is for fun! A little act of service thanking our peeps for taking care of our peeps! Fun right? As we set it up one of the girls said, “It is kind of like being the Easter bunny.” We were all giddy and chipper. Here is where it takes the ugly turn….

As we are setting up, mind you we had been there maybe 30 seconds we were attacked. Not by a swarm of bees, that would make this story cooler, but by a middle aged woman with manners of a poorly raised 8 year old. She literally stormed the table as though she’d never seen soda pop.

Mz. Thang: I hear you have Dr. P.
Me: Umm, I don’t know. Dig around in there.

So as I finish setting up she literally picks up every single can and puts it back in the ice bucket slowly getting more and more disgruntled as she can’t find a Dr. Pepper.

Ms. Thang: What no Dr. Pepper or Diets?
Me: Well, they are free sodas….

She then proceeded to take a soda, a water and a cup of coffee. I couldn’t help myself.

Me: If you could only take one, more people could get something.

Mz. Thang in her most snide voice: “Oh, I’m sharing with other people in my department.”

Then she just turned and left. No thanks, just turned and flew off back to her high castle in the sky. Here are the list of things that spontaneously and combustively went through my head as she left….

1. “And then I’d kick her sir!” – Bartok from the movie Anastasia
2. “No good deed goes unpunished!!” - I’m horribly addicted to the Wicked soundtrack right now.
3. “Come talking that trash and I’ll pull your card….” - Dynamite Hack - Boys in da Hood
4. “Adrienne!!” - Rocky
5. She MUST be Canadian……

That’s right…all in a blink of an eye, that’s how my mind fought back! So take that! “No Dr. P for you!” -Soup Nazi voice.

We call this dance...INTENSITY!!

My coworker and I have been working a set of meetings for my job. By "working a set of meetings" I mean that we get to set out pamphlets, refill candy bins and throw away other peoples garbage. Listen, I'm important, I have a name tag. Back to the story, on the lunch break for one of these meetings we had the pleasure of the the addition of the loud speaker in the room pumping out some seriously intense music. I mean "Jack Bauer saving the embassy from self imploding while restarting his own pace-maker and make a quiche" intense music. Now I've know this coworker for years now and we rounded the corner to "work the room" and spontaneously went into an unchoreographed intensity pose off!! This music just moved you to move! You had to throw down the two or three Jack moves you knew and we did in unison without ever exchanging a word or a look. She totally owned me. That's how you know, it's good tunes. We giggled, and got to work.

Ok, so here is where it gets good. You know what we noticed as we janitored, I mean secretaried that room? Intense music lead to quicker production Even though it was the same minute and a half of intense music replayed time and time again, it equalled serious results! We were making a room set-up time speed record, even with spontaneous explosive Ninja kicks, intruder spins and imaginary bullet dodges.

As we finished up our duties, attendees of the class arrived and guess what? People danced and posed. That's right! We aren't the only ones. It works on everyone. Think of the implications!! If you just pumped intense music from the heavens for half an hour every day! How much could the world get done? Is that an episode of the Simpsons in the making or what??

And if it didn't work, we came up with two other viable options for the song. Sea World dolphins show, it had a great moment for dolphins to "Jump & Twist!" or line waiting song for the new 24 ride at Universal Studios. Yeap, we cleaned/set up, defended the candy Jack Bauer style and came up with two possible other options for the song. Are we underpaid or what?

Derby is my middle name....

It's derby weekend! The run for the roses is upon us folks and I am ready, let me tell you!! Start time - check. Horse choices - check. I'm going with Papa Clem. Josh's choice is Freisan Fire. I'm going to try and talk him into betting some house chore on the race. You know dishes for a month or something. Traditional foods - check. I've got benedictine dip mixed and in the fridge. (cucumber veggie dip, it's killer good, let me know if you want the recipe) And the fixings for Derby pie are awaiting race day!

And this year, I've got a little something special. I apparently have decided to take a vacation from my problem by pretending I am a rich racehorse owner. I've decorated the silks my jockey would wear. Dashing, aren't they?

I've picked out the hat I would wear, that I wouldn't blink an eye about spend $225 for. "Shannon, do you like my hat?" (Name that movie!!)

I even tried to figure out what I would name my horse, until I realized there were all these intricate rules. How can racehorse owners on one hand wear these silly hats and then on the other have outrageous rules concerning name creation? I call shenanigans on you race horse owners or America. Shenanigans - now that there is a good horse name.

The devil is a professor

I learned at church last week that there are over 100 names for Jesus in the scriptures. And this week I learned a new name for Satan. Professor.

I am not naive enough to think that a class called Research Methods should be easy. And it's not. However, how did I go from having 45 minute to an hour of home each week to just finishing eight and a half hours worth of homework for this week?? All so I can write a 32 page, 5421 word document on a hypothetical potential research project that I will never actually research? No lying, there was a moment in class where we all realized, so we're just supposed to make the majority of this up? That's right folks, cause I'm supposed to write 4 letters I'll never mail and make a survey that I'll never survend. (is that even a word?)

In my researchy dream world, I'm reimbursing people for medical expenses. Take that no guidelines!! My research may potentially end up costing more money that it would ever make and I'm okay with that. In my researchy dream world, my research may solve world hunger or stop swine flu or somehow make me famous.

Cause you know what happens when your famous? You have a world premier of your movie in Tempe AZ and they close the freeway for you for 15 minutes at rush hour. You get a six black suburban, two motorcycle cops and one cop car escort to the movie theater. Did you solve world hunger or stop swine flu? Nah! You made a movie. Heroes escort!

Well guess what Wolverine? I can reference like one bad mama jamma. Top that tin man.

Beware....Beware the Shreiking Eels!

"Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels! If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels. "

Anyone else think there is something ominous in the fact that the fridge in my new apartment sounds a little like the shrieking eels Vizzini warns Buttercup about? You don't notice it during the day, but at night when you go in to fill up your water with precious refrigerated water or grab a cheese stick. Oh the wailing!!

I'm going to take it as my refrigerators nice way of reminding me I'm trying to lose weight by terrifying the inner child in me each time I step in my kitchen. Maybe this place has some hidden ROUSes to help me get my dishes done and a sandpit that will force me into timely homework completion.

I think I just wrote a good sales pitch for What about Bob 2. "Dedication by Terror: New Steps to Improving Your Life" by Dr. Leo Marvin.

Inner, Inner Office, Inner Office Pressure!!

I am not the youngest employee in my office but I am the most technically savvy. It appears that at my job there is a space-time continuum that happens when you reach the age of 40 where you lose 70% of your computer technical abilities. Zoom! It’s just gone. And for some reason, I think it’s kind of cute. I like getting out of my chair to help people make a PDF document, create a folder. Makes me feel helpful and like I did my scoutly good turn daily.

Today I overheard the single best technology conversation:

Him: My blackberry made me change my password this weekend.
Her: I hate that.
Him: The problem was I forgot the password!
Her: Oh No!
Him: Did you know if you try it 10 times with the wrong password that the blackberry erases all of the information on it?
Her: That is quite the consequence!

I cried due to holding in the giggles. I’m laughing even now. Sometime technology just isn’t fair ya’ll. I did tell him I could think of worse consequences. It could have emailed everyone in his contacts all the pictures on his phone. It could of given him a low grade shock each time he put in the wrong password or better yet, it could have exploded. Now that is quite the consequence.

And the winner is.....

Peep House!

Congratulations to our winner and thank you to all of our lovely contestants. You rock. Watch for your packet in the mail.