Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

I have this tender moment that keeps running around in my head from my recent trip to Washington. In all the fun, rushing and celebration of the trip I had the pleasure of sharing a quiet moment with two of my favorite girls, my niece Abby and my sweet sister-in-law Jessica. This moment of love, of giggles, of joy – this memory resonates peace to my soul.

Jessica is Josh’s twin and she is mentally disabled. Our Jessica is love. Abby just turned two. She is vivacious, quizzical, all things two! A visit to the Haws house is full of aunts, uncles and cousin visits, outings, projects and chats. It’s a blissful blitz from touchdown to takeoff. But for this brief moment I found myself sitting quietly in the same couch cushion on the couch next to my Jessie watching Abby play with her toys. Jessica always sits too close, it’s how she says, “I love you.” The house was still and we all seemed to be enjoying the moment. I put my arm around Jessica who happens to be the music aficionado in the family and started a silly version of Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes giving her a honk on the nose at the end. Jessica let out a pleasant squeal and I looked up to see Abby standing at the end of the couch waiting to join the party. I smiled at her and she floated forward in the way two year old princesses do and climbed onto my lap. Now I had my hands full but I wasn’t about to stop the fun! I’m Auntie Ellen! So I braced myself and we started another round, I worked one hand pointing out Jessie’s head, shoulder, knees and toes while simultaneously pointing out Abby’s eyes, ears, mouth and nose. Not only did they laugh when I finished, but they clapped! We moved on to other songs, “Three Little Monkeys” “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” all three of us completely happy to sit squished on one couch cushion singing sweet simple happy songs.

I don’t remember how the moment ended or why we stopped, but I will never forget the way they watched my hands as I did the actions, the way they laughed and clapped as I finished a song and the pure love we all felt for each other in that moment enveloped in a leather couch in Grandpa’s house in Washington.

Melts in your mouth, Not in your spine!

I have a darling friend who has been suffering from a major back problem the last few months. Diligent has friend followed doctors recommendations, stretching, bending, allowing them to poke and prod. Yes, there has been some relief, but mostly nothing. We all wait for the magical cure all.

I sprained my back muscles last week and I would say minutely began to understand what friend has been suffering. In my one-tenth way I understand how uncomfortable it is. My highest sympathies to you, friend! And so as I cruised the Internet this evening, my eye was naturally drawn to an inspiring article on CNN, "Blue M&M dye reduces spine injury in mice" Say what?? That's right! The blue dye they use in M&M and Gatorade if injected directly into the spinal cord can heal the spine! For rizzo!! (Rizzo - also a famous Muppets mouse) And so I'm thinking STAT! We need 30 CCs for friend! And then I read that there is a small interesting side effect... you start out looking like this...
Cute little creepy red eyed mouse. Look at him all sore back watching TV on his stomach just like my friend does. Poor buddy. Then they squirt you full of M&M blue and you end up looking like this....

Smurf Mouse!!! The thing is that the blue goes away. You only stay blue for "awhile." So the question is, would it be worth it? Would you go blue to get your function back? What if "awhile" is 3 weeks? 6 months? 2 years?

I totally would do it! For the medical bonus and because blue is beautiful. Not to mention slimming I hear! Holla!

Challenged.

We've had a joyous June. Josh's brother Nathan came home from his mission to Virginia and my brother Grant came home from his mission to Philadelphia as well! I squeezed girls camp in there too. In my own special way of doing things I thought oooh I know how, let's try come up with a person challenge!! So I challenged myself to do something I wouldn't normally do at each place and so here is the list:

1. WA state with Josh's Family: I really did two things of note. First, I rode a tractor. Yes I've been part of a farming family for how many years? 7. And yes this was my first time on a tractor. It was fun! Thanks Nate. And second, I went with the girls and got those extendo french manicure nails at a salon. Were they gorgeous? YES! Am I meant to have nails like that? NO! I made it a few weeks and then got all angsty because somehow my short nails I've allowed to become part of my personality and the long pretty nails were throwing off my groove and making me feel not me. Don't get me wrong, it was fun! Josh loved how pretty my hands looked. I just cracked, they didn't feel like me.

Embarrassing moment: I taught Josh's family about "awkward turtle." Everyone is laughing and trying it out. And they all go back to talking and I say to Josh and his cousin Alex, "You know when something is really awkward there is always the awkward sea turtle." And I throw my hands in my armpits and swing my elbows in the air while bobbing my head. Now they both hysterically laughed which is what I was going for, but then I looked up and about half the room had seen my dance but not heard what I said. Sweet moves Ellen!!

2. Girls camp: I actually tried really hard to obey the rules. Sounds boring right? But if you know me at all this is a huge challenge for me. So go me!

Embarrassing moment: I managed to pick the squeakiest bunk bed ever! I mean honestly I couldn't scratch my nose without a squeaky rendition of a John Sousa melody erupting. The embarrassing part is I kept forgetting how blasted squeaky it was. So I'm in the leaders cabin so there were always spiritual and deep conversations going on and during one particularly intense moment I walked over and plopped down to take off my shoes and just erupted the room with SCKAWEEEK!!! then starting giggling. The ladies just moved on, I don't think they really noticed but I was embarrassed and I thought it was hysterical.

3. OR state with my Family: I swam in a lake! It's not that I've never done this before it's just always a big deal when I do. I'm not a great swimmer. Okay the truth is, I'm not a swimmer. I don't like to have my face in the water it's oppressive. (Yes, I'm considering adult swim lessons.) But we were at this gorgeous lake, we had life vests, we were out on a rented boat and it was a beautiful day! And I just jumped! It was awesome!! Flipping freezing, but awesome!

Embarrassing moment: Not really as embarrassing as just ridiculous. My parents own the game Rock Band. And the girls - Shannon, Stacie and I decide we are going to rock it one night! So Stacie is singing, Shannon is shredding it on the guitar and I'm going to drum. But even on easy I can't even begin to play this song. So my brother Keith takes over the foot pedal and I'm still loosing and so now he's playing the foot pedal and beat boxing the rhythm of the drums to me so that hopefully I can just make it through the song. I finally did (Thank You Keith!!) but it was the special Olympics version of easy drumming on Rock Band.

So today is the 3rd of July both Josh and I have off work. Maybe I should go find something brave to do.... navel piercings anyone??

Cleansing breathe….wooo-saaah! Welcome to edition 92 of Ellen-Makes-A-Fool-Of-Herself-Day!

Adventure One – Part One!! Strutting across campus with a co-worker to get lunch and the groundskeepers are testing the sprinkler system. I am so enthralled in the story she’s telling that I don’t dodge that massive wave of water that is coming right at us! She expertly does, honestly like a well trained water dodging ballerina. I didn’t get too wet really, but yes I walked head strong into a sprinkler in my work clothes. The groundskeeper openly laughed at me!! So in efforts to make myself look cool I act like it was all part of my plan and very cool-like I say, “One of these days I’m just going to run right down the middle of all of these.” To which there was no response, a shoulder shrug, and a wide-eyed blank stare, leaving me wondering if our dear little groundskeeper understood a lick of my sarcastic English.

Adventure Two!! Background: Friend and I had just made a pact about the cafeteria just prior to sprinkler incident. See there is a new café group and as part of their ordering process you have to give them your name, they make your food, then you go to the cash register, give your name again and that’s how they know what you ordered – very new agey high tech melarachy. So in a secret pact, Friend and I had decided to give a different name every day. So I order my sandwich, café man asks for my name and I say “Ruby.” Suddenly there is a burst of giggles behind me.

“RUBY??!??” says my past co-worker from another department. “Your name is not Ruby.” (P.S. This outburst of hers totally nulled any possibility she had of joining any future potential undercover society that I may chair.)

“Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be,” laughs the café man leaning over to read my name badge, “Okay Ellen, one sandwich it is.” I blushed, laughed and just said I wanted to see how long I could have gotten away with using a different name each day. Not really exposing my fear that somehow they’ll be tracking how often I eat there, what I eat, what meals I prefer, how many calories I intake, and how many pounds that means I’ll gain!! I just simply left it at, I just wanted to play with you crazy café folks. The three sandwich café boys and I are having a good laugh and I think as I walk away with my lunch, we’ll hopefully they’ll forget.

But apparently they’re magically computer tracks jokes too because in the 2 minutes it took to get my sandwich made the entire 10 man cafeteria team learned the story and everyone called me a different girls name as I left with my lunch. I was kindly wished out of the cafeteria with….

“See you later Penelope!”

“Debbie, would you like a receipt?”

“Enjoy your sandwich, Kate!”

“Have a good day, Amber!”

To which I finally waved and curtseyed as I fled the scene of my exposed crime!

Adventure One – Part Two!! In a mad dash to get safely back to the security of my boring desk I took the side exit, the path people don’t walk on thinking, “how can I embarrass myself if no one is there?” But groundskeeper man was waiting! As I walked towards my building he waved across the lawn to get my attention and then he signaled for me to sprint through the sprinklers as I had just moments ago threatened to do someday. He had understood!! And in some dizzying haze of misjudgment and “oh what the heck!” I sprinted out maybe ten yards until he started laughing and then ran back, only to notice about 4 people looking at me like I was a crazy loon!

I probably should have walked over and introduced myself as a new employee, “Ruby McDay.”

Elphaba says, "No good deed goes unpunished!!"

I had this fun idea at work this week. We are getting a new cafeteria/catering group in and they removed the coffee machines early. This is a serious tragedy. Honestly I spied several people wondering the halls with empty coffee mugs looking lost and forlorn. Productivity took a dramatic drop. And so I hatched my plan. I get a little giddy when I get to be fun and spontaneous. My homies and I put out some coffee, sodas and water with a little sign thanking people, is for fun! A little act of service thanking our peeps for taking care of our peeps! Fun right? As we set it up one of the girls said, “It is kind of like being the Easter bunny.” We were all giddy and chipper. Here is where it takes the ugly turn….

As we are setting up, mind you we had been there maybe 30 seconds we were attacked. Not by a swarm of bees, that would make this story cooler, but by a middle aged woman with manners of a poorly raised 8 year old. She literally stormed the table as though she’d never seen soda pop.

Mz. Thang: I hear you have Dr. P.
Me: Umm, I don’t know. Dig around in there.

So as I finish setting up she literally picks up every single can and puts it back in the ice bucket slowly getting more and more disgruntled as she can’t find a Dr. Pepper.

Ms. Thang: What no Dr. Pepper or Diets?
Me: Well, they are free sodas….

She then proceeded to take a soda, a water and a cup of coffee. I couldn’t help myself.

Me: If you could only take one, more people could get something.

Mz. Thang in her most snide voice: “Oh, I’m sharing with other people in my department.”

Then she just turned and left. No thanks, just turned and flew off back to her high castle in the sky. Here are the list of things that spontaneously and combustively went through my head as she left….

1. “And then I’d kick her sir!” – Bartok from the movie Anastasia
2. “No good deed goes unpunished!!” - I’m horribly addicted to the Wicked soundtrack right now.
3. “Come talking that trash and I’ll pull your card….” - Dynamite Hack - Boys in da Hood
4. “Adrienne!!” - Rocky
5. She MUST be Canadian……

That’s right…all in a blink of an eye, that’s how my mind fought back! So take that! “No Dr. P for you!” -Soup Nazi voice.

We call this dance...INTENSITY!!

My coworker and I have been working a set of meetings for my job. By "working a set of meetings" I mean that we get to set out pamphlets, refill candy bins and throw away other peoples garbage. Listen, I'm important, I have a name tag. Back to the story, on the lunch break for one of these meetings we had the pleasure of the the addition of the loud speaker in the room pumping out some seriously intense music. I mean "Jack Bauer saving the embassy from self imploding while restarting his own pace-maker and make a quiche" intense music. Now I've know this coworker for years now and we rounded the corner to "work the room" and spontaneously went into an unchoreographed intensity pose off!! This music just moved you to move! You had to throw down the two or three Jack moves you knew and we did in unison without ever exchanging a word or a look. She totally owned me. That's how you know, it's good tunes. We giggled, and got to work.

Ok, so here is where it gets good. You know what we noticed as we janitored, I mean secretaried that room? Intense music lead to quicker production Even though it was the same minute and a half of intense music replayed time and time again, it equalled serious results! We were making a room set-up time speed record, even with spontaneous explosive Ninja kicks, intruder spins and imaginary bullet dodges.

As we finished up our duties, attendees of the class arrived and guess what? People danced and posed. That's right! We aren't the only ones. It works on everyone. Think of the implications!! If you just pumped intense music from the heavens for half an hour every day! How much could the world get done? Is that an episode of the Simpsons in the making or what??

And if it didn't work, we came up with two other viable options for the song. Sea World dolphins show, it had a great moment for dolphins to "Jump & Twist!" or line waiting song for the new 24 ride at Universal Studios. Yeap, we cleaned/set up, defended the candy Jack Bauer style and came up with two possible other options for the song. Are we underpaid or what?

Derby is my middle name....

It's derby weekend! The run for the roses is upon us folks and I am ready, let me tell you!! Start time - check. Horse choices - check. I'm going with Papa Clem. Josh's choice is Freisan Fire. I'm going to try and talk him into betting some house chore on the race. You know dishes for a month or something. Traditional foods - check. I've got benedictine dip mixed and in the fridge. (cucumber veggie dip, it's killer good, let me know if you want the recipe) And the fixings for Derby pie are awaiting race day!

And this year, I've got a little something special. I apparently have decided to take a vacation from my problem by pretending I am a rich racehorse owner. I've decorated the silks my jockey would wear. Dashing, aren't they?

I've picked out the hat I would wear, that I wouldn't blink an eye about spend $225 for. "Shannon, do you like my hat?" (Name that movie!!)

I even tried to figure out what I would name my horse, until I realized there were all these intricate rules. How can racehorse owners on one hand wear these silly hats and then on the other have outrageous rules concerning name creation? I call shenanigans on you race horse owners or America. Shenanigans - now that there is a good horse name.