Thursday, September 25, 2008

Lenny Briscoe, you are a delight!!

If L&OJA (Law & Order Junkies Anonymous) has taught me anything, I've learned to keep my desire of being cast in a walk-on role alive!! First, I don't care which L&O it is. Original Flavor, SVU, Criminal Intent, Miami Vice….love them all!!! Okay Miami Vice doesn't exist but if it did, I'd watch it. Why? Because they are all great. I am slightly uncomfortable with the saxophone rendition of the theme music for Criminal Intent, but they have Goran so they are forgiven. Do you understand the level of my nerdiness for Law & Order? You know it is bad, when Josh and I will watch the simultaneous TNT & USA marathons and we get disappointed because we have already seen both of the episodes currently airing. I knew it had entered a new realm when I recognized the kidnapped child in an SVU episode as a repeated actor from an episode in Original Flavor series. And that is why my hope is alive, if crappy boy actor can be seen in two episode why wouldn't they want me for one episode! Here is the dream: I either want to be the dead or the jury forewoman.

As the dead you usually get a few lines before the opening credits or at least a few dramatic shots of you jogging in the park or dancing at a party or fighting with a member of the other sex. Then they cut to the credits and when they come back the tell tale signs of police tape and there I would be, dead as a doornail. Not to mention I want to die gross. Throw me off a building, smoosh me with a train, poison me with acid. LOVE IT!! For heavens sake, don't let me be asphyxiated everyone on L&O dies by asphyxiation. And I want something secretive to be found in my autopsy so the detective has to go to the M.E.'s office. Maybe I recently got a tattoo and the new ink that was used was lace with some magnetic item that made me trackable by my gang who killed me cause I crossed enemy lines or something. See then the DA can sue everybody - the gang, the tattoo artist and the ink maker!!

Second scenario: I'm the jury forewoman. This one is just awesome because you get to be on screen a lot if it is the right episode in regular work clothes. You get to nod a lot, maybe look shocked and on the rare episode maybe pass around Exhibit P1-L. Passing around the exhibit is always one of the things you hope for because it could be a photo but it could be the gun in a bag, or the blanket of the baby in which case I could shed a tear and steal the show! Secret fact about me, I can cry on demand. Law & Order - you need my skillz!! And then my big moment….

Judge: "Jury forewoman, has the jury reached a verdict?"
Me, the jury forewoman: "We have."
Judge: "Please read it to the court."
Me, the jury forewoman: "In the case of Todd Sven vs. the State of NY we the jury find the defendant…"

And for the love of all things Jack McCoy, I hope I get to say guilty because that sweet moment is when we viewers all envision bad guys rotting in jail for 15 years to life! That moment is what we live for on L&O. Somebody queue the theme music. Doo, doo! And then the saxophone…wah, wah, wah!


The Wixom Zoo said...

You seriously crack me up! I love L&O and now am addicted to The Closer - Kyra Sedgwick rocks!
You'd be great as a walk on something though. Good luck with that Madam Forewoman.

Caleb said...

Ellen, i had no idea. I love law and order, i never really though of being an actor on the show though. Although that would be sweet, however sometimes you get killed after, how should i put this... knocking boots (am i allowed to say that?) and your laying there all pale and naked with the catchup all over the place and nothing but a sheet in some nasty motel 6,yeah that would be kinda embarrassing. But really anything else would be great

From the Life of Jen B said...

i love your blog...your posts seriously make me double over and chuckle :) I as well love L&O...have you seen Bones? It's my newest addiction, second to Alias